


Hidden beneath The scars we hide.

by AlexisDamanda



Category: transgender - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Gender Identity, Girl - Freeform, LGBT, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Multi, Other, Slice of Life, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-02 07:41:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8658385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexisDamanda/pseuds/AlexisDamanda
Summary: just read its good :P





	1. Chapter 1

Before  
I wake today and look into the mirror  
yet I do not recognize who I see  
the monsters of life surround me  
they tell me I will never be free  
Every day I want to scream to run to hide.  
But I shall never be free of this pain I have disguised  
forever I am alone  
Day to day and hour by hour I’m forced to live this lie  
Can no one see or hear me cry  
Can anyone understand the agony I hide.  
I dream of a day when I will wake  
Too be free from this darkened place  
Yet will that day ever come?  
No; forever I am alone.

 

Kayla looked up from her old leather notebook with tears in her eyes. How much longer could she keep up this facade? Sure some times it was essayer than others to hide who she was, but it was getting harder every day. She was sure her mother knew something even if she would never say so. Perfect Kayla thought to herself all I need right now is to make myself look more pathetic by crying suddenly she herd the sound of the grand oak door of their home slamming shut. Great mom must be home she told her self. Taking in a deep breath Kayla got up from her bed and quickly made her way across her messy room and into the bathroom. Once there she began the slow process of making herself “him”. She hated being him, but she had no choice, so she took off her wig and make up and went out to face her mother.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 1 (Jason)

Walking in the door Ellie took a deep breath and looked around her home.  
“Jason” she called in the most energetic voice she could muster “I’m home come and help me with the groceries” leaving the door open she crossed the brightly let room and sat on the sofa near their patio. The morning sun was hitting the room just right, casting the perfect balance of light for reading and warmth for basking. Ellie worked long hours as a sergeant at John Hopkins and was always on call; almost never having a moment to herself, but when she did this was her favorite place to unwind.  
“Jason” she called again furrowing her brow. “If I have to call you one more time I am taking away your computer”. He was always playing those stupid fantasy games Ellie thought to herself. I just don’t understand what he likes about them.  
Just then Jason walked into the room smiling “Jeez mom can’t you give a guy half a minute. I was in the bathroom.” He paused, shaking his head, “Unless you want me to come bounding out here with tp hanging out of my pants.” he added grinning.  
Trying to hold back a laugh she looked at him with stern face ”Don’t get smart with me” but even as the words left her lips he was already bounding out the front door too the car.  
“Hey what’s with all the commotion” Ellie turned to see her youngest standing in the hall rubbing sleep out of her eyes. At 14 she was the spitting image of her mother; small, skinny, long brunet hair that fell just past her shoulders and small round face. “Nothing sweetie” Ellie said turning to her. “Did you just wake up? It’s almost 7.”  
“So?” Hanna countered rolling her emerald green eyes “It’s not my fault I’m so popular that I get texts until 12 in the morning” yawning she turned and walked into the adjoining kitchen to get herself some breakfast. “Where’s Jason” she asked with half a pop-tart hanging out of her mouth.

“Our mother sent me on a dangerous mission full of peril and adventure” Jason said adding a wink as he walked into the room with an armful of groceries.  
“Hanna go help your brother before he drops something.” Ellie sighed. “Why do you always try to grab everything at once?”  
Smiling Jason turned to face her “I risk my life to get this in the house and you want to make me go back out there? Ha! I think not!”  
“Risk your life?!” Hanna laughed.  
“Hey haven’t you ever seen Ms. Bresk in her bath robe getting her paper in the morning?” Jason shuttered “Scary stuff! I might have nightmares for a week.”  
“I’d take Ms. Bresk over you in your boxers any day.” Hanna joked scrunching her face in mock disgust. Jason not being one to lose in an argument tried to think of a clever retort.  
“Ok that’s enough you two. You’re going to be late for school.” Ellie sighed.  
“Oh no what a tragedy,” Jason whispered to his sister under his breath “we might miss the morning gossip.” Grabbing their Book-bags they made their way to the door, and left for school.

 


	3. Chapter 3 (New Friends Old Fears)

Bang the sound of the locker slamming shut next to him made Jason jump. “Oops didn’t mean to scare you JP.” JP was a nick-name some of his friends called him at school. Turning to the source of the voice, Jason saw his best friend Zack.  
“Scare me? Ha! As if there’s anything scary about you.” Jason snickered, pretending to hold back a laugh.  
“Right?” Zach said while raising an eyebrow, his arm resting on the locker next to Jason “Anyway, did you hear the news?” Zack leaned in, looking like he had the biggest news story of the century.  
“News? What news?” asked Jason, grateful for the change in subject.  
Zach stopped mid step with a look of pure horror on his face, spreading his arms wide to demonstrate how big this news was. “Only the biggest news to hit this school since the legendary food fight of 13.” Zach paused smiling, recalling the event, admittedly one of the best days in his whole school career, “I bet coach Nicks is still scraping salami off the ceiling!”  
They both smiled at the thought of Mr. Nicks trying to clean anything over 4ft height. He was a plump short man with the temper of an enraged troll. In fact the more Jason thought about it, if he squinted just right he kind of looked like one too.

“Ok I’ll bite, but you gotta move!” Jason said pushing his friend forward so they wouldn’t be late for first period. “What’s this big news you’ve got?” Jason rolled his eyes as they walked into their first period class. When they took their seats Zack took a deep breath, “well” Zach started turning to Jason. “We have a foreign exchange student coming to class and I heard she is French!” A huge grin spread across Zack’s freckled face, his eyes wide with excitement.  
“ok. So?” Jason responded looking perplexed. “What sort of big news is that? We get new students all the time.”  
“So? French girls are always H.O.T. hot” Zach leaned back in his chair still grinning. “and I call dibs.”  
Jason smiled, classic Zach always thinking about girls. First it was the cheerleader from New York, then the soccer player from California; now it’s this new French girl.  
Jason looked at his friend and shrugged “She’s all yours buddy, but if you get pepper sprayed again that’s on you.”  
“that was one time Zach muttered how was I supposed to know she didn’t like being surprised”  
The bell rang, momentarily drawing their attention to the front of the class, as their Biology teacher Mrs. Tury hobbled into the room. Mrs. Tury, whom realistically couldn’t be more than 40 looked as if she was the last remaining remnants of the prehistoric age. She had a bad back that caused her to hunch as she walked and she a mess of tangled gray hair stuck sloppily in a bun. A few strands hung down, fluttering away from her face whenever she talked.  
“class” Mrs. Tury Quilled “I would like to introduce you to your newest contemporary” She glanced around the room, making sure she had everyone’s attention.  
“Her name,” Mrs. Tury continued, “is Jamie Bresk”  
This caught Jason’s attention, brisk? He thought she couldn’t be related to that old bag next door; could she?  
Jason turned from his conversation with Zach and looked at the new girl. She was skinny and small with a blank face that screamed, please don’t hurt me. Not missing a beat old Tury continued.  
“she has recently just moved here from France. Her father is one of our ambassadors. They recently sent Jamie to live with her aunt to study here.” Scanning the class with her eagle like eyes Mrs. Tury searched for a spare seat frowning as her eyes landed on Jason and Zach. “mister Pierce” sighed Mrs. Tury pointing her arm in exasperation “I believe your seat is up near my desk”.  
“but its scary up there and ”  
“mr. Pierce” shrilled Tury “you are on thin ice now make your way to your seat”  
Reluctantly Zach made his way towards to front of the room as he got to his desk he mocked slipping on that ‘thin ice’. Thankfully Tury didn’t notice.  
“ms. Bresk.” she continued as if nothing had happened “you may take mr Pierces old seat”  
“now class last period we discussed the nuances between acquired traits and learned behaviors”  
Mrs Turys voice faded in Jason’s mind as he took in this strange new girl walking towards him.  
As she sat down he subtlety leaned over and whispered “Hi im Jason”  
“Jamie” she replied shyly “but you already knew that”

After what felt like hours of lessoning to Truy draw on and on about traits and genetics the bell finally rang. “freedom” Zach cryed jumping for the door “Mr. Pierce I release you not the bell” but it was too late Zach was already half way down the hall not a care in the world.  
“yo new girl” Zach yelled his voice cracking into a squawk. Jamie who was about three quarters of her way to the small solitary table in the corner of the cafeteria reluctantly turned to see who had yelled at her. Jumping off the lunch table he had been standing on Zach grinned and made his way over to her “so you ran out of class before I had the chance to introduce myself to ya”  
“um that was you Zach” Jason interrupted laughing   
“was it? Well can you blame me I had to get out of there before old witch Tury turned me into stone” Zach teased back “your name was Jamie right?”  
“ya” she whistpered in reply   
“so what happened your parents catch you doin drugs or something. I mean why else would they ship you half way around the world if it wasn’t something big right?”  
“no nothing so dramatic; I just wanted a change. Something different ya-know”  
“well if you want deferent you sure came to the wrong place. I mean look around you” zach gestured dramatically with a wave of his hand to the rest of the cafeteria. “its like some one copied and pasted the school from mean girls right here in Woodbridge”  
“I like it I think its nice”  
Zach and Jason exchanged a confused look but Zach just shrugged and drawled   
“ok then” he added with a wink “your coming to the party tonight right?”  
Jamie looked from Zach to Jason in confusion “what party?”  
“you ok” Jason pressed seeing how Jamie was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. “You look about as happy as a politician hooked to a lie detector”  
“It just that; don’t know if I should” Jamie whispered looking quit shy  
“wait no way don’t tell me you’ve never been to a high school party!” shaking his head in a disapproving but bemused manor Zach smiled and added “its up by bawled top lake. Starts at 8 see you there” and with that Zach walked off joking and laughing with Jason as he went.   
As Jamie turned to leave she noticed Jason delivered a playful smack to the back of his friends head.  
“hey” Zach yelled in protest “what was that for”  
“you really have no tact” Jason replied shaking his head.


	4. who we are & who we chose to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is NOT done yet so hang tight

Shana Taylor looked up from here people magazine to find the stewardess standing in front of her. “yes” she asked curtly while raising one eye brow.  
“I um” the stewardess stammered “well um miss Taylor you asked me to tell you when we were 20 minutes out from little rock”   
Sighing Shana closed her magazine she hatted these things any way they always made up some dumb story about how she was running away with the newest movie star or some nonsense. With a wave of her hand she dismissed the young stewardess. The girl who couldn’t have been much older than her own son smiled sincerely and left. Her son now that was a head ache on its own. She knew he wasn’t trying to be difficult but he defiantly needed to be fixed. She had let this go on long enough, she should have lessened to all the warnings her family and friends gave her about raising a child as a single mother in Hollywood but she was naïve; she thought that because she was the good kind of famous being a Christian rock artist her son would grow to love God and not the evils of the world that Hollywood youth usually cling too but boy was she wrong. But this, this would fix everything Shana was going to the New Directions Camp for a charity concert and hopefully to find a place to send her son to find himself again and turn from all this horrible sin. Yes, she thought, this is just what he needs.   
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Jeff Gardner steped out of his old beat up volts wagon and checked his watch it was a half past five “Good” Jeff breathed to himself “I’m right on time”. Jeff who was in his mid fifty’s was the embodiment of his generation from his long tangled hair to his tie die shirt and ripped jeans. Jeff looking around the airport pickup lane Jeff scratched his growing bear belly and waited rather impatiently. After what seemed like hours he finally spotted her. “Ms. Taylor over here” he gestured with a wave of his hand. Spotting the misplaced hippy Shana smiled and made her way over its nice to know that some things never change she thought.   
“Jeff its been to long” she greeted warmly  
“it has but it looks like time has been nicer to you than me.”  
“are you ready to go my car is right over there” Jeff gestured to his his vw buss “I know shes not much but she gets the job done.”  
As they drove and Shana and Jeff exchanged stories of the last 20 years sense they left college, after a while there was a long silence.  
“Jeff I need to ask you something, but first promise you will not think I a horrible mother”  
“Shana you know me better than that. I knew something was bothering you from the moment I saw you. It may have been 20 years but I can still read you like a book.”  
Shana took in a long unsteady breath and told Jeff everything. 

Jamie

“what in Gods name are you doing” Shana stormed through her living room and snatched the Barbie out of her seven year olds hands. “where did you get this?!” Nathan looked up at his mother utterly shocked. smack the sting of his mother’s hand on his cheek made Nathan fall backwards   
“Young man you will look at me when I am talking to you. Now where did you get this”. Nathan who had never been hit by his mother let alone yelled at like this began to cry. “a friend at school said I could have it” Nathan sniffed through her tears. Shana grabbed her child’s chin forcing him to look her in the eyes “you’re a boy and boys don’t play with things like this do you understand me.” Nathan just nodded tears still streaming down his face “oh knock it off” Shana Scolded “I didn’t hit you very hard. Good boys don’t cry” nodding again and trying to hold back his tears Nathan watched his mother walk away and pick up the phone. “Hello mt hope elementary.”  
Jamie sat up in bed sweet pouring down her back and pasting her chestnut trusses to her face. Still shaking from the memory, she brushed a hand through her hair and pulled her keens into her stomach. She knew her mother meant well, but that day still haunted her dreams almost every night, the way her mother had looked at her with such discuss. She often wondered what life would have been like if she had been the perfect child. The child her mother wanted and deserved but no matter how hard Jamie tried she always disappointed her. That’s all your good at being a disappointment a voice inside her mocked. No I cant think like this getting up Jamie made her way quietly from her attic room on the second floor down the steep stairs to the hall that connected to the bathroom. All in all Jamie counted herself lucky she like her privacy and while the attic was drafty it was quite. Running some cold water Jamie splashed her face and glanced into the mirror. She wished she hadn’t she hated her reflection it reminded her of him. You can do this she told her self you are Jamie, you are a girl, you are pretty looking up at her reflection again for a moment before turning away a tear streaking down her face.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey Jamie wait up” Jamie turned and frowned as she recognized Jason heading her way weaving as he deftly dodged a swarm of band students on their way to practice. She wasn’t sure what it was but there was just something about his joking manor that just seemed off to her. “Oh hi, Jason” she responded as casually without breaking her gate. “I ah, I just wanted to apologize about the other day, Zach can be a little” Jason paused looking thoughtful for a moment “overwhelming if you’re not used to him, and” 

“lesson” Jamie interrupted “you seem nice and all but you can tell your friend im not interested in being his latest conquest.”   
Jason paused and placed a hand on Jamie’s shoulder “Hey he’s really not like. He talks big but honestly he is a really nice guy.” Bzzzzzzzz the bell signaling the start of period rang “Ive got to get to class before I get a tarty”   
“ms. Bresk, mr Nicolson” a shrill voice called from behind them “I don’t suppose you have a hall pass” Jamie looked at Jason with an expression of pure horror as miss Turry walked up to them “Right I didn’t think so. That well be detention with me after school for both of you. Now hurry to class and don’t doddle.” She said handing them each a pink slip of paper with a scribble for each of their names in the upper right corner a 3:30 P.M. and todays were cleanly marked along with Mrs. Turrys room number of 301 as if it had been meticulously written beforehand so no student could claim they didn’t know where they where supposed to be. Letting out a deep sigh Jamie put her slip in the back pocket of her faded denim jeans and began to walk away. “Hey” Jason yelled after her prompting a glare from Mrs. Turry as he hurried to catch up “what’s your deal Walking away like that ? im just trying to be nice” Jamie stoped cold in her tracks her fits clinched “whats my deal!” she sputtered half whispering half shouting. “my deal is im trying to get to class before I get in any more trouble” as Jamie steped to start moving again Jason blocked her path “yo chill out dude, Turry gives everyone detention. like once I got a detention because I ‘looked shifty’ to her” Jamie could feel the blood rushing to her head now “first off,” she hissed “im not a dude. And second I cant get detention if I get detention my parents get called. And you know what happens the ?” Jamie could feel herself start to lose control of her voice “its game over that’s what” she spat.

Jason hesitated for a moment “a little dramatic don’t you think?” he asked cocking one eye brow “look im sorry I didn’t mean to get you in trouble but if its that big a deal ill get you out of detention” Jamie felt her body give just a bit “how?” she asked narrowing her eyes. “Essay,” Jason replied with the pep back in his voice “your looking at the guy who talked down coach frank after the animal crack incident of 15. “ Jason smiled at her “look ill just tell old Turry that with you being new and all I offered to help you find your classes and thought it would be funny to send you the wrong direction”

**Author's Note:**

> still in progress let me know what you guys think and if you have any ideas


End file.
